There are moments in your life that you knew were bound to happen. Some we look forward to, others we dread. I am still not sure how I feel about my newly found date. September 18, 2011. In ways it will be the best day of my life, and in ways the pain will be beyond bearable inside. Those who know me very well know this date, those who kind of know me, easily figured it out, and those who simply read my blogs but don't know me to well are probably wondering. Well here goes.
This is the date my daughter moves onto campus. She will be living in Wilson Hall at Oregon State University. She got her first choice. This floor is equipped with the Engineering study hall and had everything she wanted. She plans on majoring in Ecological Engineering which suites her very well. Obviously I could not be more proud of my daughter for the woman she has become. She is my life, will always be my life, and owns 99% of my heart. The thought of seeing her any less than half the month absolutly kills me. The fact that I can not type this without tears rolling down my eyes scares me tremendously. I have enjoyed running circles for the last 18 years making sure her life was as good as I could make it. She has always shown appreciation, and never once in my life have I felt she has taken advantage of my generosity. There is not another human I can say the same for.
I am super excited to watch her take on the world, and am confident that I will not be forgotten by her, and know that she understands I will always do my best to help her. At the same time I understand she has a life to live, and I will not interfere with her decisions. I will pray that my teachings have lead to a good decision making process.
Where I worry is about myself not her. You see, I enjoy busting my ass to make others lives better. Unfortunatly, I often feel it becomes expected and underappreciated. It is and will always be my relationship killer. I should not care so much, but I do.
My problem is categorizing my needs. Sex, physical activities, intellectual conversations..those are all a dime a dozen. Anytime I want them they are available. However, finding someone who works at making the world a better place, shares equally in duties, and understands who I am. That is a little harder. I know I am different. I know I am against the grain of society, and most of all I know my heart is rock solid. My heart is my life..I listen to it no matter what, and that will never change.
Okay enough rambling, it is all off my chest, my life will go on, and I will continue to bust my ass to make others lives better. My only question is where will the energy now be directed after September 18, 2011.
I know you don't read these, but if you ever do, I want you to understand just how much I love you. Madison, there are no words to describe my feelings, I just want you to know how proud I am of you, and who you have become. I will love you always!!
DAD
This is the date my daughter moves onto campus. She will be living in Wilson Hall at Oregon State University. She got her first choice. This floor is equipped with the Engineering study hall and had everything she wanted. She plans on majoring in Ecological Engineering which suites her very well. Obviously I could not be more proud of my daughter for the woman she has become. She is my life, will always be my life, and owns 99% of my heart. The thought of seeing her any less than half the month absolutly kills me. The fact that I can not type this without tears rolling down my eyes scares me tremendously. I have enjoyed running circles for the last 18 years making sure her life was as good as I could make it. She has always shown appreciation, and never once in my life have I felt she has taken advantage of my generosity. There is not another human I can say the same for.
I am super excited to watch her take on the world, and am confident that I will not be forgotten by her, and know that she understands I will always do my best to help her. At the same time I understand she has a life to live, and I will not interfere with her decisions. I will pray that my teachings have lead to a good decision making process.
Where I worry is about myself not her. You see, I enjoy busting my ass to make others lives better. Unfortunatly, I often feel it becomes expected and underappreciated. It is and will always be my relationship killer. I should not care so much, but I do.
My problem is categorizing my needs. Sex, physical activities, intellectual conversations..those are all a dime a dozen. Anytime I want them they are available. However, finding someone who works at making the world a better place, shares equally in duties, and understands who I am. That is a little harder. I know I am different. I know I am against the grain of society, and most of all I know my heart is rock solid. My heart is my life..I listen to it no matter what, and that will never change.
Okay enough rambling, it is all off my chest, my life will go on, and I will continue to bust my ass to make others lives better. My only question is where will the energy now be directed after September 18, 2011.
I know you don't read these, but if you ever do, I want you to understand just how much I love you. Madison, there are no words to describe my feelings, I just want you to know how proud I am of you, and who you have become. I will love you always!!
DAD
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