When to say when

While I always try my best to take care of everyone that comes through my door, there are often people who just make you cringe every time they pull up. Sometimes its the way they smell, sometimes they are just mean people, and sometimes they just plain suck when it comes to knowing how to act in public. Usually it is a lack of upbringing from their parents, but sometimes it's a case of becoming so bitter with society they now figure everyone else must suffer as well. I have one customer who has unknowingly perfected the most irritating expression known to mankind. Every worker has hated him, and it's always for the same reason. He is just plain ignorant. While he is very inconsistant in his demeanor, you are always guaranteed to see that one expression at least one in five trips. Normally that would not be bad, but considering he comes in at least 3-4 times a day you will experience it pretty regularly.
Unfortunately he enjoys confrontation and actually thrives on it as well. By fighting back you are only incouraging him more. While I fought for a long time I finally figured out how to handle this pathetic individual. Somehow I myself mastered a look so sad it instantly breaks down his front and causes him to actually be a normal human being during the rest of my transaction. I, myself now only see this expression maybe once a month. Unfortunately he now saves it for the other workers. I have learned to appreciate him as he forces me to delve deep into my head to stay one step ahead, and not let him get to me. For this I am actually thankful, however teaching a clerk to handle the situation in the same manner instead of the normal "fuck off and die response" is actually an even greater challenge.

BE READY!!!!!!!

Somedays I have to really think about what it is that is bothering me. Today the decision was made for me thanks to a lady at Home Depot. As I go to return two pieces of lumber, I get stuck behind a lady who had 3 bags of small trinkets. Each bag had probably 15 different items, and was in no particular order. To make thing worse, way worse, she pulls out about ten receipts not knowing which items belong to which receipts. To make it beyond bearable for me she had paid by credit card sometimes and cash others. Therefore the clerk could not just give in store credit or credit her card because policy does not allow it. Both her and the clerk stood there staring at each other not knowing where to start. My transaction would end up taking 30 seconds, hers was approximately 10 minutes. What killed me was the thought as to why she didn't take extra time at home to make everyone elses life easier. Simple organization makes all the difference in the world to others. I experience this everyday when people come up to my window and order a pack of Marlboros. $3.85, I say. At this point they decide it is time to start looking for their money. Did I shock them? Were they expecting me to just give them the pack and not ask for a damn penny? Or do they simply not give a rat's behind that people are waiting for them. This small charactor trait messes up so many others lives in more ways than one. While I suppose I should leave my house 15 minutes earlier everyday under the assumption I will be blessed by the presence of one of these wonderful people, however, I hate the fact that I am allowing this action to continue, while I just wait patiently as if everything is just hunky dorry. I will end this rant with a huge thank you to everybody who has their money ready. It's nice to know that there are people out there who understand the immense concept of money being exchanged for goods at a simultaneous moment. THANK YOU!!!

Corporate evil! Does it really exist?

I have to sell Marlboro, Pepsi, budweiser, and many other corporate leaders, because if I don't my customers will go elsewhere. I respect the fact that they all started as some mom and pop business, but i hate the fact that the employees are now just drones working under the guidelines of a 50 page manual. While I have to learn to seperate the workers from the corporation themselves, I will never lose that hatred for the inevetitable crushing of most little people. Recently I had the pleasure of helping a young woman in the drive thru window who expressed satisfaction in my notes. As I asked and received her identification for smokes I realized she also had my brothers same birthdate, which for whatever reason I thought was really cool. Later that day I went to my bank and low and behold she was working behind the counter. Now this was starting to get a little too coincidental for me, but that is just the way life is. As every moronic thought raced through my head I wandered why I cared so much. One image I wasn't proud of was why I cared that she worked at a huge corporate conglomerate. It is not as if she is a part of it. I'm sure she doesn't know or care about who actually signs her check, or where the profits from her efficiency will actually go, or the fact that the CEO makes more in a year than she will probably make in her lifetime, or the fact that no matter what she accomplishes for them no one with any power in the business will actually thank her. She will always just be a number. Her personality,looks, intelligence, and all other attributes will only move her closer to the point where she no longer has to use them to make customers happy, but in order to get herself closer to the top. All this aside all I should really care about is the fact that she has a job, or that she is provided a job that might otherwise not be there. As much as I would love to see little flower stands, espresso shops, catering trucks, and the many other little businesses that add charms to our concrete society I have to respect that those days are long gone. I just wish I would have been alive at a time I could of seen it. Anyway I wanted to thank her for being so kind as a customer, as a person, and as a member of the corporate world. It has no bearing on who you are as a person, I just hope it never will. One of the toughest challenges life has to offer is the ability to keep your values and roots, and be successful at the same time. To me that is what "higher standards" truly means.

Yes....It hurts!

Every day millions of thoughts race through my mind. I tend to overanaylze many of these
wandering whether I'm messed up for thinking these thoughts or if my foundation is solid
and I just care too much or too little about the wrong things. I constantly compare
simple moments to something of a much greater magnitude. For instance, when one
person comes through my front door, pulls out a Oregon Trail food Stamp card and proceeds to buy 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, and a Ben and Jerry ice cream bar with it, and then give me cash for their 12-pak of beer and a pack of smokes, I quickly realize what a wonderful system our state has developed. While we all appreciate the generosity of the state, we are at the same time forced to listen to the closure of schools, no jail space for criminals, temporary taxes by county, and numerous other punishments for their lack of financial control. Herein the problem lies. The neverending quest for a perfect society only leads to a lack of economic opportunity. While the state would save millions by eradicating programs, they at the same time have to cut jobs at the govt. level or create new programs to justify their salaries. This simple catch-22 is exactly what fries my brain. While I would love to see so much change, I'm deftly afraid of the consequences to follow. This inability to see and accept things for what they are has lead to radical change in my life, and as always the insecurity of knowing whether it will now be better. I have accepted that all change that occurs benefits at least one party or else it would not be initiated, but I have yet to convince myself both parties can be better off. It works for the State, so I hope it works for me as well. One final note on a seperate but related tangent. When my mind spins out of control, and I need to slow the pace a little, I go where my heart tells me. There are many wonderful things and people in this world, however finding them is quite a challenge. With the inability to forget once I've seen someone's true colors, I limit the number of individuals I can go to when seeking out that healing spirit. For this I'm so very thankful for last nights conversation. You have always been at the top of my list as far as incredible people go. I value your intellect, spirit,
compassion, sense of humor, but most of all, your ability for seeing the world for what it is.
While I don't see you that often your presence is always felt. Thanks Again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO! I'm not the cheapest in town!

One thing that really frustrates me more than anything else in this business is peoples neverending quest to get something cheaper. No matter how low I price my smokes there is always someone else out there selling it for less. People will mention places over 15 miles away. With the price of gas it seems impossible that the thought would even enter their mind. I realize that these are the people who I could never take care of even if I tried my hardest. Some people are looking for a battle others are just born and raised cheapskates. I always wonder if they also tell the gas attendants about every other price in town, or if they bottle up their anger in the economic system and dish it out on me. It really doesn't bother me as much because I've pretty much mastered the necessary response to let them know how trivial they are being. You can NEVER show a desire to complete their transaction and immediately go on to the next customer. Most of the time they realize their mistake, other times they just leave. Normally that is not good, but in this case I'm confident they would have never came back anyway. If I bothered to match the price or even come close, they are only temporarily happy. Once they spot another store this side of the Nile, I'm bound to hear it all over again. By carefully deciding who I want to take care of, I've managed to build a clientele of incredibly awesome people.

Keep it to yourself!!!!!!!

While I started writing my notes on the window I had no idea how much I would learn about people from them. On approximately the third note I made the mistake of spelling a word wrong. While I spelled it correctly on my rough draft, I somehow didn't on the final draft that went up in the window. I never intended for the notes to be for anything other than entertainment for both the customers or myself. When the first customer brought my mistake to my attention, delivering it with such a level of cockiness, I found myself instantly upset. While he was obviously undereducated, he temporarily found himself pretty damn smart. I let him bask in his glory as I knew this was one topic I would not be able to refrain from making a condescending comment to him. After he left I realized both how fortunate I am for being both tactful in my criticisms and how often people do really care what others think of them. Unfortunately my level of respect for him dropped immensely. Before I saw him as a hardworking, undereducated middle-classed man trying to support his family, while now I see him as someone trying to hang on to whatever dignity he has left. In the future I ask people to refrain from correcting grammar mistakes and stick to how the letter makes you feel. I already went to school and am through trying to write perfect papers. From this point on it's about what's on the inside, not how it appears from someone looking for a mechanism to make themselves feel smarter. (on another note I forgot to mention that the Rams won on Friday night YEAAAA)

My Foundation

I decided to start at the beginning considering someone outside the normal group of people who read my notes might actually find this. Hopefully duplication doesn't bore some of you too much. I currently own a tobacco shop w/a drive thru window. I have been in this business for almost 16 years and often feel like I have seen it all. Unfortunately I'm reminded almost on a daily basis that I have not. I believe I should be rewarded some sort of psychological degree for counseling/helping hundreds of people each day for as long as I can remember. Basically I love 95% of my customers and tolerate 5%. I someday desire to achieve a 100% people I love rating(PILR). The intense desire to make everyone happy has always been a stong trait, but I am quickly learning it to be a fallacy. While I know in my heart I am doing the right thing. I have a hard time being the one who eventually suffers based on my actions. I am very blessed to have two wonderful parents who gave me what I feel is a perfect genetic make-up. However my ability, or lack thereof to keep it polished has led to what I feel is a frayed wire in the brainwaves. I feel the connection between my heart and my brain is definitely not without major kinks. I'll always keep working on building that connection, I just need to find a different method of survival. That is where my writing will come in. I ask the world to allow me to rant and I believe all will be strong again.

Protecting My sanity

I decided to write this series of random thoughts for a multitude of reasons. First
of all I've been writing notes on my drive-thru window at my store for a little over a year and have received so many thank you's, I felt it would possibly open up viewing for a larger audience. Second there is a lot about this world that truly upsets me. I don't know if I've seen too much too early or if I just care too much.
Writing has always been my best form of communication, possibly because I have an uncanny ability to close up when I'm upset. The last reason I'm doing this is the problem with my beliefs. I believe in going with my gut feeling, and this feels right. You now know the reasons and soon you'll know more about me, probably
way too much. One last declaration before I begin my journey. I never have cared
about how others perceive me for the most part. I've accepted that I'm different
internally than 99% of society, but I feel at the same time I can converse with that same amount of people. More than anything in life I just want to understand what this world is truly about. Hopefully someone out there understands or at least feels a little bit better about where we live. If I can accomplish this, than it will be all worthwhile.