Milkman Dan, My Hero!

http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/
Earlier today one of my customers came in and bought a couple of newspapers in search of a new job. Just last week he was so proud of his new job paying an extremely generous wage to someone who didn't appear to be very "marketable." I kept my thoughts to myself but was truly amazed. This week he was fired for crashing his delivery truck into another vehicle. His license was not valid in Oregon, but that was his bosses fault because he said it was okay. This guy was really upset as he lost a good job. I assumed there was more to the story, but felt he deserved a remorseful reaction anyway. He came off to me like a charactor from one of my favorite comic strips "Red Meat." This charactor, Milkman Dan is your ultimate nightmare of an employee. He is a delivery driver with the most malicious sense of humor you could imagine. His main tease is a little girl named Karen who is slowly becoming tougher and more immune to his constant barrage of insults and just plain mean comments. He says what many adults would love to tell children or their bosses, but are forbidden to for a variety of reasons, psychological damage probably being the main one. Anyway, I really enjoy this weekly comic strip, which to my knowledge only appears in underground papers, and smaller independent papers. The typical strip is very dark, but put in such an elequent fashion you have to laugh. The other thought concerning this strip is I wish to thank The Willamette Weekly for publishing it weekly in their paper. I am sure they get their share of complaints as this can be very crude at times. One side note, to those who have never read this comic, their are a variety of charactors all with separate storylines, so don't try to tie them together.

While I am aware these are very tough to read hopefully you take the link to his website. I think if you check each of the separate charactors one of them will strike a chord within you. If not there is Ziggy or Garfield which just might be a little tamer.

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Please prove me wrong!

The following statement is something I first said probably 10 or so years ago. I made this statement originally as a comment to get a rise out of local sports fans, but as time has gone by I feel it is actually a pretty strong comment. " No professional team from the Pacific Northweast will win a National championship as long as I'm alive. This includes the Mariners, Seahawks, Supersonics, Trail Blazers, The University of Oregons football team and Oregon State University's Football team."
I decided to write this now as the Seahawks have the best chance of proving me wrong as they ever have had. It's a statement I've always stood by and at the same time have wished to be proved wrong about. The following reasons are what I based this on. Having been to and watched many of these teams, they all seem to have a lot in common. First and foremost, their fans seem to route them on, but at the same time they don't seem to believe in them. They keep waiting for that proverbial letdown and then they pounce all over it with a "I knew it would happen in unison." Another big problem is consistant letdown. It seems as soon as they have proved they are a good team they fall apart. Sometimes it is a major letdown that ruins the rest of the season, others it does just enough damage to keep them from that one necessary win. The ability to self collapse is the major theme holding any of these teams from becoming true champions. While I wish the Seahawks good luck from here on out, I'm pretty confident they will fall apart come playoff time.
p.s. Not fair to add something after the fact, but The U of O proved exactly what I was talking about yesterday at the Holiday Bowl in San Diego.

Your typical Christmas Blog!!

I suppose it being Christmas, I should write about one of those typical subjects. Perhaps I will shed light on the whole "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" subject. There is endless potential to write a real long opinion about this subject. Fortunately I will save that for one of the other million bloggers out there. My writings are always about something directly in my life. Unless I get cited for saying Merry Christmas in public I'll stay on my usual course.
Tonights blog actually changed as I sat down to write it. I had it all planned out earlier in the day and felt the timing was just right to finally enter this one opinion in stone. However more important I went downstairs grabbed a couple of beers and headed back up to start this when it hit me. God I sure do miss Lemon Saxer.
Lemon Saxer had always been my favorite beer for the last 10 or so years. It was made by a now Defunct brewery, Saxer Brewing Company located locally in Lake Oswego. First the company was bought by another microbrewery, then that company was bought by another, until finally Lemon Saxer was no longer being made. While I tried endless times to get everyone to make that their beer of choice, it never really did real well at store level. Most people would tell me they liked it, but sells never reflected it. First they did away with the 22oz. bottle(which would of been the perfect size for writing a blog to) than about 3 months later the whole line was stopped being produced. As much as I've tried to find that one beer to take its place, I've only managed to narrow it down to five or so acceptable substitutions. While I enjoy a large variety of beers, I haven't found that anywhere, anytime beer that Lemon Saxer was. Perhaps this is a sad topic to be discussing on Christmas Day, or perhaps this topic has a relevance to my life 365 days a year. I can't remember the last time I drank a beer and didn't think about Saxer for at least a quick second. They say you should not dwell on the past, however certain things end up owning a piece of your brain. For some people it was the Vietnam War, others it might be the loss of a loved one. While the degrees definitely vary, one thing that is certain is the bodies ability to dedicate a piece of its brain or heart to one memory. I have plenty more, some happy, some sad, I just chose this one to get the point across. And yes my life will go on without Lemon Saxer, however I may never view beer in the same light until something comes along to fade that memory. Oh and Merry Christmas to everyone out there. Anyone who really knows me understands this is not and has not been one of my favorite times of year, and yes I realize it sometimes shows. I try but nothing kills me more than having to be fake in order to appease the masses.

Title IX is just wrong!!!!!!

Okay everybody it is time for one of those stupid mindless connections I tend to make way too often. Last week I jammed my left index finger(in my sleep) don't ask I just woke up with it hurting, and it never has gone away. Now I don't really think about it much except if I bend it a certain way. Anyways I just got back from playing tennis with a kid who played for some college in Spokane and now plays on an intermural USTA team for Washington State University.
I asked if he played on their college team and he said they didn't have a team because of Title nine. If you know anything about that I'm sure you are already extremely pissed, if not, don't look it up. There are certain things in life it is better to not know about. For myself it is an extremely sore subject. Anyways, I gave him my sympathy and wished him luck when school continued. He was a very good player and quite refreshing to play with. During our doubles match I jammed my left pinkie while lunging for a ball, and falling on the concrete. As always it hurt but as I sat down to write about Title nine I realized the pain in my pinkie caused me to forget about the fact that my other finger still hurts. I then wondered what law I would have to find out about to forget about the fallacies of Title nine. Sometimes life just works this way. So much gets piled on our plate that we forget what was originally there in the first place. Good or bad I'm not sure, the only thing I do know is I could never of gone to a college that caved into the measure by cutting out their tennis team. Sorry Cougars but I can never route for you again as a team in any sport. I know there are many more colleges that handled the measure in the same fashion, and perhaps someday I'll research it more. Having a daughter I should be happy for this measure, but it just doesn't work that way.... After finishing this I started to do a little research and found one stat that forced me to "update" this blog. " According to the Congressionals General Accounting Office, in the last 20 years since Title IX was incorporated 84 colleges have dropped their men's tennis teams." http://www.kenchertow.com/coachs_corner/title_ix_goodidea.html
THERE NOW I AM DONE!

Thank You Paris for the free hit!

Sometimes I'm absolutely amazed at the power of the internet. The capabilities and functions available are endless. I try to keep my blog as simple as possible just like me. I fight with the "selling out" and putting all sorts of links and advertisements on it for a few cheap bucks, but that is not what this is all about. However, a few functions are pretty cool.
I do zero advertising for this site other than word of mouth so every once in a while when someone checks my site from another area, I become curious just how they got here. Most often it's the search words "Fouad Kaady" other than that it's pretty rare outside of typing the actual URL. My new favorite is someone in Lithuania who typed in the search words "Hilton suck" While I am pretty sure they did not find what they were hoping for, it took them 1:34 seconds before they left my site. Did this person check every one of my entries looking for that certain image. Perhaps the person started to read but got bored after that amount of time.
I find it funny how sad it is that if I really wanted to increase traffic all I would have to do is creatively use key words together in one blog. As cheap as this sounds it just might be quite entertaining. Perhaps I will get enough hits to actually make money on this and visit Paris someday. Perhaps I'll just finish this blog feeling really bad some Lithuanian wasted 1:34 seconds because of my improper use of two key internet words in one blog. My apologies either way, I just feel really bad for killing that poor persons moment.

Yes, Another tribute

I know this probably gets old to a lot of people, but as always it's important to me. Earlier today one of my regular customers stopped by who I hadn't seen in a long time. She used to live in the neighborhood behind the store but moved out about 12 months ago. She was roommates with two other people all of whom hadn't been out on their own for too long. One thing I really enjoy is watching young people grow. So much changes in that 18-21year old age frame. These three girls were all full of life and all going in separate directions. One thing I know from experience is these 3 years often shape the rest of peoples lives. For that reason I often begin to care way too much way too early. Once I realize that these are good people with the possibility of creating a great life, I tend to spend a little more time listening and talking to these people. About a year ago, she came in on the way to taking the bus after crashing her car, and had a book in her hand to read. I asked her what it was and she told me "Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs(pictured)." I made it a point to read it partly to help me understand what she likes and partly for conversational purposes. During the next few weeks she had a hard time with everything and moved back home to get on her feet. I never really saw her again, but was left with a great book, by a great author. It always amazes me how much life has to offer when you open up to others. I worried about her often, but always felt she would be okay. People with good hearts usually figure it out and from what I saw today it appears she did. She has since got engaged to a guy she says "treats her like a queen, is a great guy and someone I would really like." I doubt she understands how critical I am of the male race, but all that really matters is that she loves him. Whether or not I see her again, I am so thankful I got to see that look of pleasure on her face as she described her soon to be husband. Hopefully he does treat you like you say because you do deserve it. Good people should always be with good people. This is the only way future generations can continue flourish.

My View on Racism

I know this is an age old topic that should probably be left alone, but the main purpose for me writing my blog was to share my views and feelings toward the world. So much is in my head and bit by bit I wish to let it out.
My views on racism are formed 99% from my experiences in the convenience store world. In 1988 when I first started working at a convenience store, a hispanic man walked in and talked to me about his upcoming trip to Los Angeles. As I bagged his groceries he quickly pulled out a gun and pressed it into my neck. He told me to empty all the money into his bag and keep my head down. He then walked me into the back room and told me if I came out before I counted to 100
he would shoot me. A month later I confronted a black man who had stolen a lot of groceries on my shift and he told me to mind my own business. An hour later him and four other black men came into my store, behind the counter and began pushing me into each other. They formed a circle around me, and begged me to throw a punch. I refused to. They then grabbed the phone slammed it into my chest and told me to call the police. Once again I refused. At this point they said they would come back when my shift was over and "take care of me then." They recited when I was off and the days and hours I worked next. I told them I understood and at least use bags when you rip me off.(yes I left early that night). A year or so later I had to come down and finish my night clerks shift after he chased two Samoans out of the store for stealing a twelve pack of Budweiser. They stopped turned around, ripped the 12pack open and threw a bottle at him, splitting his forehead open. A year or so later I went outside to dump the trash at my store and an Indian was sitting on the hood of my car drinking a beer. I politely asked him to drink his beer anywhere but on the hood of my car. He pulled a knife on me and asked me to "make him get off." Based on these experiences you could formulate all the opinions you want, but before you do let me tell one last story. On December 11, 2001 a young white male entered my store in Fairview at 8:47 pm, told my clerk and good friend to "give me some fucking cigarettes or I will kill you. As my clerk turned around to get them one gunshot went just to the right of his head. He ducked and proceeded to run to the back room when he was shot three times in the back leaving him for dead. He left the store with nothing while my clerk died upon entering the hospital.
Personally I believe there are only two types of people in this world. Ones who make your life better when they enter your world, and one's who don't.

Next criticism please!

I have a dream. A small simple dream. I will someday own a window at my store large enough to accomodate every complaint given to me. For those of you who don't know I post a note on my drive thru window similar to one of my posts on here. (see first 3 blogs for more information). The readers from the store will know exactly what I'm talking about.
This window should be large enough to include one note with extremely large print, as "you write way too small." This window will have room for a note that is typed, as "your writing is hard to read, do you need me to type it for you." This window will be far enough away from the drive thru window because "I always get stuck behind someone reading your notes." This window will be glare resistant because "the sun makes it hard to read off the glare." This window will automatically inform me when to replace my notes because" you NEED to update your note, it's been a while." This window should include enough room for old notes because" I never got to read or finish the last one." Well everyone I understand there are kinks in my note production capability and I will try to fix them(notice no time frame given, pretty smart huh) however, I need to include a few more requirements to this window.
This window will include a automatic roll down cover to hide any note once the following question is asked. "So, what's this note all about?" This window will spray a toxic chemical causing permanant damage to car paint once you correct a misspelling or grammitical error.
This window will shatter spraying tiny shards of glass once you complain about my new system. You can only imagine the cost this window will have. Any complaints afterward will not go without severe punishment. Final componant is it's ability to cause engine kill to be enabled in each of your cars little computer chips. Of course it doesn't take place until you are 1 exactly one mile away from the window. It's important that you don't back up my line and it would be nice for you to have other fellow complainers to talk to while waiting for a tow truck. This function will only be enabled when I slam the window shut due to some initiated aggravation due to the customers ineptitude. Until I save up enough for this window everything will remain the same, however please feel free to continue to complain as it makes be feel so much better that I learned to respect others and take the time to enjoy life as it is dealt to me, not as I feel it should be.
Ps. Thank you for reading my notes anyway. My mom always said, " you can please some of the people some of the time, but you will NEVER please everyone, anytime." Yes mom you were right!!!!

The generation gap!

Often on here I write a blog directly aimed at one customer or person. While I usually feel guilty(for about 5 seconds) that other people read it and received little or no satisfaction out of it, I remind myself it's my blog and I'll write what I want to. If I took the time to write it it is obviously important one way or another to me. This one is no exception.
For well over a year there has been a young girl, who I talked to today, who has always been very cheerful and very happy when dealing with me. Being 36years old I often feel very disrespected by todays youth. The fact is they are just way too cool to be dealing with me. I try to never judge someone based on their age, only their actions. This blonde, who is both very pretty and absolutely sweet, has always been very nice to me, never causing me to think about the generation gap. Today she complimented my writings in the window, so I asked if she ever read my blog. She said no, but promised that she would tonight. For that reason, I decided to thank her here for a variety of reasons. First of all, thank you for being a loyal customer. Next, I wanted to thank you for always being so polite, curtious, non judgmental of myself, and most important actually taking the time to follow up and read my blog. While you may or may not enjoy it, I try to diversify the entries enough that each person will find something that strikes a chord in their heart. As I get older, I learn the value of trying to be apart of each persons life one way or another. Everyone on this planet has something to teach, and everyone has something to learn. Hopefully you enjoy my blog. But more important, to me anyway, was the ability to say thank you for being you, and giving me that extra smile that so few take the time to do. I've always judged my feelings about someone based on how I feel when I first see them each time. Your gut reaction always tells you how you feel deep inside. Any time I see your little blue truck drive up to the window, I always get that warm fuzzy feeling. One last time, THANK YOU and enjoy the rest of the blogs.

Love and Respect your Kids!!

What made me think of this I am not sure, but it will always be a very fond memory. It's not often that I look back on something and realize the possible significance of something so small. One block from my store Microchip donates its field on September 11 of each year to put up flags dedicated to each life lost due to the 9/11 attacks. My ex-wife and I took our daughter to go see it and get a few photos. Upon getting out of the car and walking through it as it neared closing, my daughter soon became very upset. She wanted her pictures taken wearing her New York scenery shirt(see above picture), while she just had a plain shirt on at the time(See Below).
We lived about two miles away and it seemed insane to drive home and change shirts, just for a few photos. Realizing how important it was for her, we got back in the car, drove home, then came back for a few more shots. While I'm not sure if it was an act of Patriotism, or just a kid being a kid, but I'm so thankful we took an extra 10 minutes out of our life to accomodate her.
So often we ruin moments that will possibly be cherished for the rest of our lives over 5 or 10 minutes. All I really wanted to say is when a child is involved PLEASE take that extra time. They have so much on their plates, and society is not getting any easier. At the rate kids minds expand it doesn't take much for them to slowly shut parts of their brain down. Give a child a voice and don't ever limit their growth. There is nothing I enjoy more in this world than witnessing my daughter grow, mentally, physically, and spiritually. To hinder any of these would cause many a lost night of sleep later in life. Thank you girl for being who you are and you definitely chose the right shirt!!!!!

It was not my fault!

Earlier today a beautiful young woman came up to the window and started with a simple statement. " I have a long list" followed by a look of possibly doubting whether I could handle her complex order which would soon be given to me. Immediately I felt challenged. Do I do the smart thing by listening to her order, stop her and get what I can handle, and then come back and finish with the rest of her order, or do I be a man and challenge her to possibly create an order in which I can not handle. I chose the second option figuring one of two things will happen.
I'll either impress her with my willingness and ability to take care of her in a very efficient matter or I'll come close and we can both laugh at my ineptitude. After she told me her order I hurried off on my mission. Remembering everything, I darted back with the same expression my cat used to give me every time he caught a mouse. One by one I gave her all eight items feeling pretty damn proud of myself. All of a sudden I looked in my hand and I was holding the wrong gum. NO WAY!!! I swore I picked up the right one, I knew the flavor, looked at the pack, and somehow picked up the wrong one. I sat in temporary disbelief. What happened. After thinking about it for way too long I came up with only two possible solutions. First of all, I got caught up in the smile, personality, and charm of the girl woman giving the order. Perhaps I let my mind take over for one half second just long enough to take my eyes off the package as I picked it up. As my brain drifted back to her, my hand must of shifted three inches, just enough to pick up the wrong gum. The other possibility is similar yet probably not the case. I might have subconsciously been enticed to pick up the prettier pink package associating it with the female customer I was helping. I know corporations pay millions of dollars to study this exact instance, and would probably give someone a real nice raise for "mentally brainwashing" me into choosing their new package. None the less I had to go back and retrieve the correct(less Exciting) pack of gum so as to appease her. All in all I failed to properly carry out my mission
(typical sign of the average male), while hopefully providing her with a momentary sense of happiness. However, I will end this with one last prolific male trait and that would be to deny responsibility for my actions. Had this been some middle school teenager or male construction worker, I would have gotten the order correct and quickly moved on to the next customer. Even though I'm sure you will never read this, I hope you receieve satisfaction knowing you caused me to psychoanalyze my actions all over a damn pack of gum!!!!!!

Not so quick thoughts!!!

In no particular order, I just wanted to share a few thoughts about what I am thankful for and what I am not thankful for. First of all, more than anything in this world I am thankful that I have parents who cared about me from day one. They both in their own ways taught me so much about life and what it is about. My parents are exactly opposite in every way. Whatever area was one's weakness the other made up for it. Everyday I am thankful for that. I am thankful I have a beautiful daughter to whom I can try my hardest to teach as much about this world as possible. I am thankful that I can remain friends with my ex-wife and most important the mother of my child. I am thankful that while my body is slowing down I am able to still stay in pretty good shape. I am thankful that the world is filled with good people, and I have enough energy to search them out.
I am not thankful for the following. On any given day one person can truly mess up the lives of many others, and not receive any punishment at all. I am not thankful for the public school systems lack of money, resources, and ability to create a good learning environment for all who attend. I am not thankful for lack of respect shown by a lot of todays youth. I am not thankful for the fact that the world revolves around money. I am not thankful for the fact that I only type about 15 words a minute making this a lot slower than it should be.
One last thought I am truly thankful that it is much easier to create a list of what I am thankful for than to create a list of what I am not thankful for.

Practice what you Preach!!!

Earlier today while at work, a customer accidentally knocked over my lighter display cases. ALL THREE OF THEM. This left me with a huge pile of completely mixed up lighters, two of the three cases were broken, numerous lighters were ruined and I had to work around this mess until I got a chance to clean this up. I know it was an accident but it was the prelude to this that really made matters worse. As I am helping a lady in the drive-thru window he is telling me a dirty joke out loud. I am trying to help the lady, not sure if she can hear him or not. " If a woman with big boobs works at Hooters, where does a man with a big @#$% work?... I HOP" he yells loudly while hitting my display with his uncontrolled reactions to his gut busting joke. He apologizes repeatedly while the lady outside asks me if I'm okay. "Physically I'm okay" I tell her."however mentally I just felt another chink in my cranial armor." She doesn't realize what happened and probably left confused by my comment. I turn around finish my transaction with him and try to convince him all is good, just let me clean up the mess and get on with my work. He insists on offering to help. I tell him it's too crowded back here and would be easier just to do it myself. He starts in on another joke, I'm not paying attention and he asks me if that one was funny. I politely beg him to leave as I really just want to clean up this mess and get on with everything. He finally leaves me alone to take care of his mess. As I sit on the floor all alone, I finally start to laugh. I'm thinking I'm 36 years old sitting on a floor cleaning up after grown men in a goddamn convenience store. Now this is funny. Three years of college and an incredible set of genes I've been given and this is my life. I often look in the mirror and ask myself why and it's almost always the same answer. It's better to experience all walks of life than to waste away in a cubicle designing the latest and greatest making someone lots of money at my own expense. Anyway I digress. The main reason I wrote about this is because when I got home my daughter was in a horrible mood. The more I dug into it, the more foul she became. I had to understand what was bothering her as I would never be able to help if I didn't know what the problem was. Then it clicked. Just leave her alone and let her take care of her own problem. Ten minutes later we were playing boggle and yahtzee and all was good. It sure is amazing how things work out this way. Sometimes it's best just to leave someone alone and let them take care of themselves....

Thank you Clear Creek Choir!!!

Last night I went to my daughters Choir performance. I don't understand why I get so emotional inside while watching such a simplistic performance. The array of styles and talent was all over the board. Some kids were dressed as if they were hanging out at the mall, while the child right next to them looked as if they were going to a wedding or some major event. I understand generally its how the parent wish for them to be dressed, but I don't grasp why they would allow it considering how everyone else was dressed. I hoped one of the more ragged kids would just stand out with an amazing voice and leave all us parents in total bewilderment.
Unfortunately the correlation between appearance and peformance are usually hand in hand at this age. By high school identitys start forming while the study habits and desire to perform well are already etched into the childs heart. I appreciate all levels of talent as long as I know the child tried their hardest. It's the kids that don't try or care who really upset me. To be given the resources to succeed in life and just throw them away is so sad. It's only later in life that these kids will understand this concept. Watching sixty kids in the same age group at the same time really shows the difference in upbringing and society as a whole. Some care some don't, but most people seem to still go through the motions. I just wanted to say as a whole the Clear Creek Choir performed very well and had a lot of talent representing them.

Mixed Emotions!

Sometimes we have events in life in which we have no idea how to take them. Sometimes your emotions stray from the original feelings after you analyze them for a little bit. Last night my 12 year old daughter was reading my blog titled dumb and dumber. I usually write these late at night and don't spend much time proofreading them. As we read this together, I laughed at how I accidentally spelled different wrong(diiferent). This was caused only because I wasn't paying attention while I typed. As I told her why I was laughing she pointed out two other grammatical
errors I had previously made. At first I was proud that she caught mistakes that I had missed twice. As I thought a little more I realized she would not of pointed them out unless I had made that comment. Was she afraid of correcting her father(God I hope not), there is nothing more important than being able to communicate and help each other whenever we can. The other thought that bothered me was the fact that she is growing up way too fast. I still remember helping teach her to read, now she is correcting my mistakes. Just in case anyone hasn't heard this a thousand times, please spend more time with your children, it is absolutely amazing how fast things change. I love watching her grow, but I hate seeing her childhood slowly vanish. Certain things in life you can never get back.

It's easier not to care!

One of the few things I truly hate about owning my store, is allowing myself to care so much about people and take these feelings so seriously. I'm sure I'm about to sound like a whining little girl, but fortunately I gave up caring what others think about me. I know I'm different. I always have been and I always will be. Back to the point. I often become close with people who come in for a pack of smokes and usually nothing else. In my mind I often feel they would not come in and share there life with me if that was all they truly wanted. I'll always hear them out, offer advice, and try to do whatever I can to hopefully make their life a little better. What kills me is when they "disappear on me, leaving me to wonder what happened. Did they find a cheaper store? Did I offend them with something I said? Did I cross the proverbial line? Perhaps something happened to them and I'll never know until I read it in the paper. In this business I understand that people come and people go. My problem is in my mind I feel like perhaps I am making their life better and for that reason they should want to be in my life. I know this sound selfish and probably downright naive but it's a thought I hang on to for the sake of my sanity. I've already accepted the fact that life isn't always going to be rosy, I just have to learn that many a times when you think you are making a difference in others life, they may not see it or may not care either way. I'll never stop trying because the feeling received when someone acknowledges this is worth more than anything else you can imagine. I just wanted to thank two people who did a great job this week of making me feel like what I do really matters.
THANK YOU LARRY AND THANK YOU MELANIE. While I know neither of you read this, in my own little fantasy world you are hearing this one way or another.

Dumb and Dumber

I'll start with a customer who bought a can of Grizzly chew, which had just gone up 20 cents a can the day earlier. He asked me why the can went up and I explained the manufacturer raised the price 20 cents a can to me, so I raised the can 20 cents to the customer. His response, " I don't get it." Cut and dry to me however he was very concerned that this was not right. I often wonder if there was anything I could of told him to explain the price increase that he would of accepted. However if he can't grasp that concept I'm sure anything I said would of generated the same response. I wanted to explain economics to him, or perhaps enlighten him to the fact that occasionally prices go up in life, but I just froze in amazement to his answer. All I could think of was how he managed to correctly answer enough questions to get a drivers license. I'm constantly wondering how certain people make it so far in life while not being able to grasp these concepts. However My next thought which is rarely correct is perhaps his brain doesn't function the way most peoples do. Maybe he he can look at a jar of marbles and quickly compute how many are in there based on the size of the marble and the depth of the jar. Perhaps he can throw a baseball 98 miles per hour with dead on accuracy, and never had to learn anything else.
All I know for sure is somehow these people seem to find me wherever I go. I truly enjoy these moments in life, because they remind me how different we all are. I'm sure there is someone in this world writing about how they came across someone who has been working at convenience stores his whole adult life and actually enjoys going to work each day. We all know this world is full of idiots. We only realize it when we understand that deep down inside we are one of them.

What a RIP OFF!!!!

I was just thinking today about how far my money used to go. When I was a kid I would go down to the 7-11 and buy a big wheel ice cream sandwich, a pack of baseball cards, one pack of donuts, and play a game of Charlie's Angels pinball, all for one dollar. Later on I worked delivering pizzas and waiting tables and always had enough to keep my gas tank on full, and have plenty left over for running around money. This was just from my tips. In college I was able to buy cases of Jacque Scotts wine coolers for $6 each or 25cents a bottle. For that kind of money you almost have to get drunk. I remember buying a dozen donut holes for a dollar before class started. You never realize what a great deal something is until you lose it and are forced to pay something else. Sometimes you just cross a threshold where the pleasure is worth up to a certain amount but not any more. To me I had the pleasure of growing up reading the Los Angeles Times every day. I never realized what I was missing until I had only the Oregonian to read. No offense, but this is the most pathetic attempt at a newspaper I have ever seen. I actually get excited going to the airport on the odd chance someone might have left a paper from any other city lying around. Anyway I digress from the main point. I have suffered with the Oregonian for over 13 years. At 35 cents a paper I don't have a true right to complain. However at the new rate of 50 cents I have to tell you this paper absolutely SUCKS in every way, shape, and form......

Nice Job Gophers!!!

Often I write these blogs never knowing if they will be read by the person intended for or not. While I don't want to tell anyone to read my blogs, I, at the same time hope they do for sake of achieving the desired effect. Todays little story will be told regardless of the fact that I know she won't read it. Often it is so hard to formulate an opinion about someone when you only see them in a controlled environment. There is this one customer who is extremely beautiful, drives a very nice car, appears very well taken care of, and is always very nice. The other evening I took my daughter to see the Gresham High School Choir perform. The event was huge with tons of family supporting their kids and siblings. This girl looked absolutely miserable that she had to watch a younger family member perform. She played with her phone, and did everything possible to weasel out of the night well before it was over. She left early saying she was very tired. All I wanted to say to her was the opportunity in life to be apart of these events will diminish greatly as you get older. Please slow down and be a part of their life. Besides I think everyone will agree that the choir did a great job. While I know absolutely nothing about music, I thoroughly enjoyed it. My personal highlight was listening to my daughter whistle real loud after a few songs.. You never know what you might experience at these kind of events, but you should definitely keep your eyes and ears and heart open.

Sometimes I just Suck!!!!!!!!

I know it has been a while, but I didn't feel like writing. However, I do have something to get off my chest. For the first time ever I played in a tennis tournament and literally had no desire to play. I'm not sure of the psychological reasonings for this, but I do know it was a horrible feeling. My first round match was at 5:30pm out in Lake Oswego on Thursday. For starters I usually pick up my daughter after school at 4:00pm. With traffic I knew this was going to be extremely close. Then I found out she had a 4:30 pizza party to celebrate the end of her volleyball season.(11-2 record by the way) Knowing this there would be no way I would make it. She volunteered to walk home alone,(her first time) and did so without griping. However I felt horrible because this is happening so I can play tennis. Next I went home to get into my shorts and found out my cat peed on them. Strike two. Unfortunately I am extremely superstitious about what I wear to a tournament. I have probably 50 t-shirts, and I look at each one until I get the "right" feeling about which one I should wear. This is the first time I ever just picked a shirt and left. I just didn't care at this point. My other gripe, which is really stupid is why the tournament is even starting on Thursday. They have plenty of courts and
plenty of time to coordinate other events around this. The club only hosts two major tourneys a year, so I would think they would get preference. After arriving I was in a foul mood from the get go. I have never dropped out of a tournament or defaulted due to any reason, however I wanted to not play so bad. I finally went out and fell behind very quickly. I still didn't care.
I decided after my third game I was going to just go for everything instead of playing smart tennis. It's funner that way however the mistakes always lead to a loss. I lost very bad to an excellent player, and hope to never feel this way again. I've always lived for a tournament weekend and been pumped up all week. I've tried to think of reasons this happened and all I can think of is"sometimes I just plain suck." End of story!!!!!!!!

Thank You Fouad!

So often in life someone enters our lives for a short period of time. Sometimes they leave a lasting impression and sometimes we're actually glad to see them leave. While I only knew Fouad Kaady as a customer of my store for about two years, I've come to realize what an incredible person he must have been. I spent close to four hours today at the Clackamas County Courthouse in order to testify in front of a Grand Jury. Upon arriving I was immediately greeted by numerous family members. I talked to a few for a while and quickly realized how much they loved him. They handed me signs to help their protest, but I felt since I was testifying, it would be improper of me to do so. I can't believe how much my heart bled. I could not fathom anything of this magnitude happening to my brother or any other family member and not wanting to spend the rest of my life fighting for justice. I wanted to thank Fouad mostly for his kindness. While we never did anything outside of work, being offered a barbecue lunch by him was an incedible jesture on his part. He always appeared to be thinking about others before himself. The most important lesson he taught me would be to take the time to get to know those who I think are good people. I'm sick to my stomach for not having that lunch with him. Getting to experience so little of what he had to offer leaves me wondering how often this occurs in my life. Time spent doing absolutely nothing is really a shame when the alternative is getting to better know someone like Fouad. Please take the time to experience the things you would otherwise blow off. You never know when that might be taken away.

P.S. The painting on the left side was drawn by Fouad.

Bad loss made good!

Some days I sit down and think of what I should write about and come up with absolutely nothing. Other days it consumes my mind all day about getting home to write. Saturday afternoon I lost in the second round of a tennis tournament to a team that should never of beaten me and my partner. I was disgusted with the lost all day and had a hard time shaking it off. I never have been able to accept losing when it is me losing and not them beating me. If you dominate me and I never have a chance, then it's all good. If I feel I am a better player and didn't play up to my best, then a loss sits in my kitchen for quite a while. Upon arriving at home after the match, I spent the rest of the day with my daughter, which helps remind me there is so much more to life than tennis or whatever is the problem of the day. There will always be something that doesn't go my way, the trick is limiting the time you spend dwelling on it. I decided to take my daughter to see Wallace and Gromit, and was so thankful I did. One on One time with her is so much fun. She always reminds me how special life is, and how simple life can be. I am constantly reminded by her how we can have fun without having to search for excitement. She can entertain herself with anything. Listening to her recite the previous episode of Teen Titans, and laughing at each line is absolutely priceless. I really need to work on accepting lifes simple pleasures and not dwelling
on all the curve balls thrown at me. I thank my girl for that, however, I still hate losing!!!!!!!!!

Irony sucks!!!

Earlier today I had the pleasure of helping an individual at the window I had never seen before.
As I open the window and asked "what can I get you"?, I'm greeted with the ever so pleasant, newly discovered, internationally known, just one minute sign. This is represented by the index finger being held up vertically with a cell phone attached to the ear. Somehow, he being in his own beautiful world doesn't care about the fact that there is a car waiting behind him or the fact that I'm sitting there staring at him in disbelief. He has a beautiful expensive car, very nicely dressed, very clean interior, and appears to have life completely under control. Unfortunately, he is incapable of handling a simple transaction without messing up other peoples lives in the meantime. As I stare at him for about a minute every thought in the world has now gone through my mind. If something this easy takes him so long what happens if he is forced to decide that best way to save a victim in a car accident if he is the first on the scene. I know I don't want my lives in his hands. After finally finishing with this guy the next car pulls up and tells me what they want before I can even open the window. Wow, talk about opposite ends of the spectrum in back to back cars. This time the car is a junker, messy inside, and the driver is needing all sorts of personal attention to detail. However she knows what she wants and took care of it in a very efficient manner. I think I definately want her first to the scene if my lifes at stake, then I realize, maybe she'd solve everything short term but leave me messed up because she made the incorrect decision, while the other guy took his time and made sure everything was done correct. For every decision in life there is an argument somehow for each method used to solve it. My mind went through countless arguments between which person I wanted to be on the scene and all I came up with in the end was I sure do hope a paramedic gets there before either one touches me.

Nice Rebounding!!!!!!!!!

Often I go down to my store more or less just to hang out for a while. I never know who I'll see, or what will happen, but I always enjoy a good conversation. Tonight one theme really took it's toll on me. I was down there for about two hours when I realized one sad coincidence for two separate conversations. The first one took place with a girl that I have always thought was someone who is very special. She has been through a tough marriage and rebounded very nicely. Unfortunately I have never tried to get to know her better because one of her best friends hates my guts with a severe passion. I don't wish to open a can of worms by trying to get to know her better, but at the same time, I hate depriving myself of something special because of that. The second conversation ran along the same path. While talking to her I quickly realized was a good person she is . I've always had that feeling, but never talked to her long enough to confirm it. I often talk to people and quickly discover that they have learned to master the "textbook responses" for what the other person wants to hear. These people really bother me and actually sicken me for their lack of individualism. I figured out rather quick that this girl is not that way at all. She is herself and nothing more than that, and like myself very comfortable with who I am regardless of what anyone else thinks. Once again this girl is tied through other people who would make me feel like a complete jerk for even thinking about futhering a conversation with her. Upon getting a divorce I immediately realized that my ex is no longer with me, but with whoever she feels would make her happy. I have no say nor would I feel any different if she chose a friend of mine. However in society that it considered very taboo. For some reason people seem to treat a wife or exwife as a piece of property and not an individual with their own freedom of choice. I've have already been burned at the stake for making that decision once(just ask Brandon) and am very gunshy about doing it again. If by chance either of you read this, I want you to both know that you are very special people who have done a good job of moving on after a tough relationship. The main thing is if you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of the next person who enters your life.

The Ceiling of life

Few people will understand this, but I wanted to share it because it is VERY important to me. I pride myself on relishing the smaller things in life. Sometimes in doing so they become bigger. Those of you who have been in my store have seen my ceiling covered with empty cigarette packs. While this began by me as a sort of curiosity, it turned into something far greater than that. As I look up at the ceiling each day I'm reminded of so many wonderful things. I want to share a few with you hoping you'll understand and possibly help any way you can. First of all, possibly the most painful and most serene of them all is Fouad Kaady's packs. He gave me 3 or 4 packs to put up, which I ALWAYS do. He was recently shot and killed by two police officers who, in my opinion, made a very poor judgement call. Having those up there gives me both the neverending memory of Fouad, but a reminder of just how fast life can be taken from you. Other favorites include special packs brought back from France and Germany as well as a few other countries. It's really nice to know someone can be thousands of miles away and they still think about their corner store. I truly appreciate the small messages written on them, the signatures, and the great little pictures some like to draw. Each add character, but more important each add an extra memory of the person who brought them. While people come and go, any extra thing to help remember them goes a long way.

THE POWER LIES WITHIN

As corny as this is about to sound, I wanted to thank a cetain individual for something he said in his blog. After reading this he will understand completely and hopefully one time or another many of you will to. For those of you who don't know, Hilton's Haven is the name of my store. It is a convenience store of sorts. To me, however, I have fought very hard to create a place where I can make a difference in others peoples lives, create a career which allows me to spend time with my daughter, as well as have a life of my own. Trying to establish a business who truly cares more about the people of this world, than the income derived from it is extremely challenging. My main belief is it has to be about the people. I try to hire people who I feel care more about the human race than about having the material possessions this world has to offer. While I understand that I will never get rich here, at the same time I hope customers understand why I close for ten minutes in the morning to take my daughter to Choir before school starts. While this may not be a a good business move, I won't have this opportunity to drop off my child at school very much longer. Many people stop by each day, whether for a quick chat with the worker, maybe it's just habit, or maybe, and the one I hope for the most, they just wanted to go somewhere to make them feel a little more happy. I try my hardest to bring joy to everyone who shops here. Some understand and show their appreciation, while other leave just as miserable. I know I can't make a difference in everyone's life but I'll never give up. While the aforementioned blog contained a thought about my barstool, he may or may not realize that to me that is one of a thousand little pieces of joy that makes up my store. I thank you for understanding what my store is truly about and hope that others do to.

A Little About Me!!

I suppose it is only fair to let some people know a little about myself. If I was to only gripe about society and share my beliefs but not open up myself to criticism, than part of my messages about life would be lost. For beginners I'll share some of my favorite pasttimes in no particular order. I have been a Los Angeles(St. Louis ) Rams fan since 1977, a very loyal one at that. To me they will always be the L.A. Rams, but I guess you do have to accept change. Being from California I learned to like all the L.A. teams as a kid. I truly enjoy watching all their games, even though it is becoming more painful each season since they won the Super Bowl in 1999.
Another favorite of mine is watching my daughter play volleyball. She just finished playing club ball with Mt. Hood Volleyball Club's u-12 team. She had an incredibly tough yet awesome coach who truly helped advance her game. She now plays on the 7th grade varsity team for Clear Creek Middle School. While the team is nowhere near as good as the club team, it is still a great learning experience for her. I find this team a lot harder to watch because of the lack of teamwork and severe lack of discipline. I see it more as a stepping stone to the 8Th grade team, but I always believe winning should be the number one goal. To compete at high levels in sports, that has to be automatically instilled in your brain. While there are tons of things I enjoy I tried to just pick a few that came to my mind quickly. The last one for now would have to be playing tennis. I currently play in most tennis tournaments in a 50 mile radius. My favorite one being the "Nike Open" held at Tualatin Hills Raquet Center. Somehow it always has 90-100 degree weather and is one of the few played outside. I also play USTA men's league in the summer, and
USTA mixed doubles in the fall and winter, which coincidentally starts this Sunday. Were it not for responsibility, I could easily spend the rest of my life as a tennis bum. It has always been a very important part of my life and always will be. I have found that no matter what is going on in life I can walk onto a court and it is almost like entering another realm. I think the two things I enjoy most about it would have to be the fact that it is the ultimate sport for one on one competition. There are to many factors involved for one person to truly dominate. The only factor that makes a true difference is the level of training. The other reason you very rarely come across bad people in this sport. I get along great with most players, even though tennis players are probably the most cocky of any athletes. While I don't believe myself to be that way at all in life, the second tournament time comes about, I feel my personality change. I think it's just from being taught to never show any fear no matter how good or bad your opponent is. I could go on forever but I will spare you the boredom. I just wanted people to understand a little more about me.

It's not about you!!!!!

While we all know this cartoon to be a spoof, it is so incredibly real it is sickening. Not a day goes by where I don't help some drugged out mother standing next to her child. As she buys a 12 pack of beer at 9 in the morning and buys her kid a 10 cent piece of laffy taffy, she somehow believes her kid has no clue to her condition. While this may be true for a while, there will always be a time when the kid puts all the pieces together and realizes what crappy parents he/she has. Of everything in this world, there is nothing I am more thankful than to have been raised by two parents who cared for me and my brother more than anything in this world. I never realized how blessed I was until I watch the flip side on a daily basis. Those of you who think your children are not picking up your habits have a nice shock ahead of you. I could not imagine the feeling of realizing that not only did I mess up my life, but I failed to give my children the tools necessary to have a good life. Thank you mom and dad, and thank you to the parents who understand that it's about their children and not about themselves!!!! For it is you people who continue to make this planet a decent place to live.

You just have to laugh!!

Well for all you customers who enjoyed purchasing single cigarettes for a quarter, I'm sorry to inform you that it has to come to an end. The Oregon Department of Revenue came in to my store and informed me that it is not legal in Oregon to sell a cigarette without a manufactured seal around it. He informed me this was to insure people weren't getting a product possibly contaminated with something, or if a customer was to get sick it could come back to me for having them "unprotected." While this seems sort of logical, I wandered who regulates the safety of some other possible situations around town. Not to compare odds, but in my eyes the possibility of one of the following happening is probably a lot larger. For instance, anyone can walk into a Natures, open up a bulk bin of protein powder and mix any chemical they wish into it. At Wendy's, generally unhappy teenagers, combine numerous ingrediants into a huge pot to make their chili. Why are they trusted to make sure nothing bad is to get into this pot. This same concept occurs at every restaurant. My guess is the possibility of foul play is a lot larger in a kitchen, than it is for a single cigarette. Anyway the whole point is to inform the public that the price is now fifty cents each. A quarter for the ciggy and a quarter for the plastic container. At least we know the public is now safe from the possibility of obtaining an unhealthy product. Even though it is not my fault, I wanted to apologize in advance for the increase. Somehow, many people seem to think it was my decision. Oh well at least everyone saved a little money for a short period of time.

Mutual feelings I assume!!!!!

Every day I can count on one certainty. The fact that someone out there is looking for help.
Whether it 's financial, emotional, or physical, I can guarantee you it will cross my path. Unfortunately, I have learned that most people cry for help, but very few actually listen. I carefully pick and choose whose problem I wish to help them deal with. I have enough problems of my own so my resources are limited as is my desire to waste my time. This message goes out to a friend who has been shopping at my store for quite a while. His problems mirror mine almost identically. Perhaps by offering my opinion, I might actually be helping myself. Anyway many of these thoughts are universal, so hopefully others don't consider it a complete waste of their time. First of all, everyone in this world has lost something or someone dear to them. Do not think you are alone. While half of my life was spent faithfully with the same woman before we decided to go our separate ways, I realize there are parts of me where she will always be. However, more important, is the realization that the point of being apart is for BOTH of our
lives to be better. I would never do anything to hinder her future happiness no matter how much it hurt me, and at the same time I have to work on being as good, well rounded person as possible, in order to make my life better as well as anyone who might be willing to spend time with me. I have always had outrageous expectations of any woman to whom I would want to be with, and for that reason, I drastically limit the possibilities of having a good relationship. While my ex-wife is about as good of a person as you will ever come across, I realize that I lost her and either have to choose to be alone or find someone who is also that good of a person. The worst thing, I feel, is to dwell on the past. Yes, it hurts, but dwelling on it will only drive you crazy, and probably lead you to make an even larger mistake. Time is the most painful element during your seperation. Find projects to keep your mind busy, but do not lose site of making your world a better place. You will probably be surprised what all is out in this world when you open your eyes and heart to it. For this reason you must take care of yourself. Imagine making the same mistake twice. Having a great person step into your life only to leave because it was obvious you weren't over your ex. Anyway take care of yourself, I will always make time if you need it, however I prefer a good coffee or beer over tea!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the reminder!!!!

Often in life I hurry up and try to get on to the next mission. I tend to forget that there is so much more than just going through the motions. Tonight I covered the last two hours of my clerks shift and was dead set on locking the doors at EXACTLY 10:00pm and not helping anyone else. The store has already been open for 16 hours everyone had a fair shot is the way I see it. However at 10:02 "one last customer pulls up to the window and proceeds to ask me all about rolling your own cigarettes. While I would love to fill her world with wonderful information, I can't seem to concentrate on anything other than the clock. After about three minutes of explaining she than asks if I'm the one who writes all the notes in the window. I say yes which leads to numerous other compliments about my writings, store image, and general nature. By now I feel really good about keeping the door open for the extra five minutes. As I go to lock the front door an ambulance pulls up. The possibilities for bad karma are endless for turning down an ambulance so I decide to let them in. By now four medics get out and decide to
take there sweet ass time, after all they still have five hours left on there shift. While I would never wish for a reason for the drivers to have to hurry up and leave, I do want to get home.
After another 5-6 minutes they leave. Finally I get to lock up and go home. Wait now an Air Force National Guard comes in wearing his complete outfit. Knowing there is absolutely no way
I am about to join any organization where part of your job description involves learning how to kill other people, the least I could do is support those who are couragous enough to do so. Fortunately he was very quick in getting his needs. I couldn't decide what I was more thankful for, his courage or his ability to shop fast. Either way I am thankful all 3 transactions made it worth it to stay open a little longer. With people out there truly making a difference in this world, I have no right to bitch about staying an extra10-15 minutes. Thanks for the reminder!!

Take a minute please!

Often at work I have people come into my life one time never to be seen again. Sometimes they leave a lasting impression, sometimes I'm thankful that it was only once. However one thing I've learned is I'm always lucky to get to have experienced someone new. I am finally getting better at opening myself up to a larger variety of people. For a long time I would be very picky over who I actually chose to "get to know better." Life stays simpler this way, however you miss a lot by doing so. By not taking the time I missed out dearly on something I would of really liked to experience looking back. About a month ago a regular customer who had been shopping at my store for about two years invited me to a barbeque. I never got around to going because I actually completely forgot about it until way after the fact. This happens a lot, and I always swear to be better next time. Unfortunately he was shot and killed by two police officers after going through a day of bizarre occurances. About three hours before the ending of his life he came to the store, gave me a jar of change(well more than what he owed) and told me to keep it, that he didn't care. I asked him if he was okay to which he replied," no, I am not" and drove off before I could respond. While I understand that I had no bearing on the outcome of his life, I wandered how it would of been different had I gone to eat with him. Would I have discovered a serious problem in his life and helped him through it? Perhaps he would of stayed to tell me what was making him not okay that day. I could speculate all day long, but the only thing I know, is I wish I had taken a little more time to be in his life. He was always an awesome customer and person as well, and by no means deserved to have life end this way. Fouad Kaady, I appreciate what you taught me, and I feel you made this world a better place!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When to say when

While I always try my best to take care of everyone that comes through my door, there are often people who just make you cringe every time they pull up. Sometimes its the way they smell, sometimes they are just mean people, and sometimes they just plain suck when it comes to knowing how to act in public. Usually it is a lack of upbringing from their parents, but sometimes it's a case of becoming so bitter with society they now figure everyone else must suffer as well. I have one customer who has unknowingly perfected the most irritating expression known to mankind. Every worker has hated him, and it's always for the same reason. He is just plain ignorant. While he is very inconsistant in his demeanor, you are always guaranteed to see that one expression at least one in five trips. Normally that would not be bad, but considering he comes in at least 3-4 times a day you will experience it pretty regularly.
Unfortunately he enjoys confrontation and actually thrives on it as well. By fighting back you are only incouraging him more. While I fought for a long time I finally figured out how to handle this pathetic individual. Somehow I myself mastered a look so sad it instantly breaks down his front and causes him to actually be a normal human being during the rest of my transaction. I, myself now only see this expression maybe once a month. Unfortunately he now saves it for the other workers. I have learned to appreciate him as he forces me to delve deep into my head to stay one step ahead, and not let him get to me. For this I am actually thankful, however teaching a clerk to handle the situation in the same manner instead of the normal "fuck off and die response" is actually an even greater challenge.

BE READY!!!!!!!

Somedays I have to really think about what it is that is bothering me. Today the decision was made for me thanks to a lady at Home Depot. As I go to return two pieces of lumber, I get stuck behind a lady who had 3 bags of small trinkets. Each bag had probably 15 different items, and was in no particular order. To make thing worse, way worse, she pulls out about ten receipts not knowing which items belong to which receipts. To make it beyond bearable for me she had paid by credit card sometimes and cash others. Therefore the clerk could not just give in store credit or credit her card because policy does not allow it. Both her and the clerk stood there staring at each other not knowing where to start. My transaction would end up taking 30 seconds, hers was approximately 10 minutes. What killed me was the thought as to why she didn't take extra time at home to make everyone elses life easier. Simple organization makes all the difference in the world to others. I experience this everyday when people come up to my window and order a pack of Marlboros. $3.85, I say. At this point they decide it is time to start looking for their money. Did I shock them? Were they expecting me to just give them the pack and not ask for a damn penny? Or do they simply not give a rat's behind that people are waiting for them. This small charactor trait messes up so many others lives in more ways than one. While I suppose I should leave my house 15 minutes earlier everyday under the assumption I will be blessed by the presence of one of these wonderful people, however, I hate the fact that I am allowing this action to continue, while I just wait patiently as if everything is just hunky dorry. I will end this rant with a huge thank you to everybody who has their money ready. It's nice to know that there are people out there who understand the immense concept of money being exchanged for goods at a simultaneous moment. THANK YOU!!!

Corporate evil! Does it really exist?

I have to sell Marlboro, Pepsi, budweiser, and many other corporate leaders, because if I don't my customers will go elsewhere. I respect the fact that they all started as some mom and pop business, but i hate the fact that the employees are now just drones working under the guidelines of a 50 page manual. While I have to learn to seperate the workers from the corporation themselves, I will never lose that hatred for the inevetitable crushing of most little people. Recently I had the pleasure of helping a young woman in the drive thru window who expressed satisfaction in my notes. As I asked and received her identification for smokes I realized she also had my brothers same birthdate, which for whatever reason I thought was really cool. Later that day I went to my bank and low and behold she was working behind the counter. Now this was starting to get a little too coincidental for me, but that is just the way life is. As every moronic thought raced through my head I wandered why I cared so much. One image I wasn't proud of was why I cared that she worked at a huge corporate conglomerate. It is not as if she is a part of it. I'm sure she doesn't know or care about who actually signs her check, or where the profits from her efficiency will actually go, or the fact that the CEO makes more in a year than she will probably make in her lifetime, or the fact that no matter what she accomplishes for them no one with any power in the business will actually thank her. She will always just be a number. Her personality,looks, intelligence, and all other attributes will only move her closer to the point where she no longer has to use them to make customers happy, but in order to get herself closer to the top. All this aside all I should really care about is the fact that she has a job, or that she is provided a job that might otherwise not be there. As much as I would love to see little flower stands, espresso shops, catering trucks, and the many other little businesses that add charms to our concrete society I have to respect that those days are long gone. I just wish I would have been alive at a time I could of seen it. Anyway I wanted to thank her for being so kind as a customer, as a person, and as a member of the corporate world. It has no bearing on who you are as a person, I just hope it never will. One of the toughest challenges life has to offer is the ability to keep your values and roots, and be successful at the same time. To me that is what "higher standards" truly means.

Yes....It hurts!

Every day millions of thoughts race through my mind. I tend to overanaylze many of these
wandering whether I'm messed up for thinking these thoughts or if my foundation is solid
and I just care too much or too little about the wrong things. I constantly compare
simple moments to something of a much greater magnitude. For instance, when one
person comes through my front door, pulls out a Oregon Trail food Stamp card and proceeds to buy 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, and a Ben and Jerry ice cream bar with it, and then give me cash for their 12-pak of beer and a pack of smokes, I quickly realize what a wonderful system our state has developed. While we all appreciate the generosity of the state, we are at the same time forced to listen to the closure of schools, no jail space for criminals, temporary taxes by county, and numerous other punishments for their lack of financial control. Herein the problem lies. The neverending quest for a perfect society only leads to a lack of economic opportunity. While the state would save millions by eradicating programs, they at the same time have to cut jobs at the govt. level or create new programs to justify their salaries. This simple catch-22 is exactly what fries my brain. While I would love to see so much change, I'm deftly afraid of the consequences to follow. This inability to see and accept things for what they are has lead to radical change in my life, and as always the insecurity of knowing whether it will now be better. I have accepted that all change that occurs benefits at least one party or else it would not be initiated, but I have yet to convince myself both parties can be better off. It works for the State, so I hope it works for me as well. One final note on a seperate but related tangent. When my mind spins out of control, and I need to slow the pace a little, I go where my heart tells me. There are many wonderful things and people in this world, however finding them is quite a challenge. With the inability to forget once I've seen someone's true colors, I limit the number of individuals I can go to when seeking out that healing spirit. For this I'm so very thankful for last nights conversation. You have always been at the top of my list as far as incredible people go. I value your intellect, spirit,
compassion, sense of humor, but most of all, your ability for seeing the world for what it is.
While I don't see you that often your presence is always felt. Thanks Again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO! I'm not the cheapest in town!

One thing that really frustrates me more than anything else in this business is peoples neverending quest to get something cheaper. No matter how low I price my smokes there is always someone else out there selling it for less. People will mention places over 15 miles away. With the price of gas it seems impossible that the thought would even enter their mind. I realize that these are the people who I could never take care of even if I tried my hardest. Some people are looking for a battle others are just born and raised cheapskates. I always wonder if they also tell the gas attendants about every other price in town, or if they bottle up their anger in the economic system and dish it out on me. It really doesn't bother me as much because I've pretty much mastered the necessary response to let them know how trivial they are being. You can NEVER show a desire to complete their transaction and immediately go on to the next customer. Most of the time they realize their mistake, other times they just leave. Normally that is not good, but in this case I'm confident they would have never came back anyway. If I bothered to match the price or even come close, they are only temporarily happy. Once they spot another store this side of the Nile, I'm bound to hear it all over again. By carefully deciding who I want to take care of, I've managed to build a clientele of incredibly awesome people.

Keep it to yourself!!!!!!!

While I started writing my notes on the window I had no idea how much I would learn about people from them. On approximately the third note I made the mistake of spelling a word wrong. While I spelled it correctly on my rough draft, I somehow didn't on the final draft that went up in the window. I never intended for the notes to be for anything other than entertainment for both the customers or myself. When the first customer brought my mistake to my attention, delivering it with such a level of cockiness, I found myself instantly upset. While he was obviously undereducated, he temporarily found himself pretty damn smart. I let him bask in his glory as I knew this was one topic I would not be able to refrain from making a condescending comment to him. After he left I realized both how fortunate I am for being both tactful in my criticisms and how often people do really care what others think of them. Unfortunately my level of respect for him dropped immensely. Before I saw him as a hardworking, undereducated middle-classed man trying to support his family, while now I see him as someone trying to hang on to whatever dignity he has left. In the future I ask people to refrain from correcting grammar mistakes and stick to how the letter makes you feel. I already went to school and am through trying to write perfect papers. From this point on it's about what's on the inside, not how it appears from someone looking for a mechanism to make themselves feel smarter. (on another note I forgot to mention that the Rams won on Friday night YEAAAA)

My Foundation

I decided to start at the beginning considering someone outside the normal group of people who read my notes might actually find this. Hopefully duplication doesn't bore some of you too much. I currently own a tobacco shop w/a drive thru window. I have been in this business for almost 16 years and often feel like I have seen it all. Unfortunately I'm reminded almost on a daily basis that I have not. I believe I should be rewarded some sort of psychological degree for counseling/helping hundreds of people each day for as long as I can remember. Basically I love 95% of my customers and tolerate 5%. I someday desire to achieve a 100% people I love rating(PILR). The intense desire to make everyone happy has always been a stong trait, but I am quickly learning it to be a fallacy. While I know in my heart I am doing the right thing. I have a hard time being the one who eventually suffers based on my actions. I am very blessed to have two wonderful parents who gave me what I feel is a perfect genetic make-up. However my ability, or lack thereof to keep it polished has led to what I feel is a frayed wire in the brainwaves. I feel the connection between my heart and my brain is definitely not without major kinks. I'll always keep working on building that connection, I just need to find a different method of survival. That is where my writing will come in. I ask the world to allow me to rant and I believe all will be strong again.

Protecting My sanity

I decided to write this series of random thoughts for a multitude of reasons. First
of all I've been writing notes on my drive-thru window at my store for a little over a year and have received so many thank you's, I felt it would possibly open up viewing for a larger audience. Second there is a lot about this world that truly upsets me. I don't know if I've seen too much too early or if I just care too much.
Writing has always been my best form of communication, possibly because I have an uncanny ability to close up when I'm upset. The last reason I'm doing this is the problem with my beliefs. I believe in going with my gut feeling, and this feels right. You now know the reasons and soon you'll know more about me, probably
way too much. One last declaration before I begin my journey. I never have cared
about how others perceive me for the most part. I've accepted that I'm different
internally than 99% of society, but I feel at the same time I can converse with that same amount of people. More than anything in life I just want to understand what this world is truly about. Hopefully someone out there understands or at least feels a little bit better about where we live. If I can accomplish this, than it will be all worthwhile.