Catching up and starting over (I suppose)

So, I decided to start writing again. I know, who really cares. I stopped for a few reasons. First of all, it was used against me in my last relationship. Perhaps by words not being on paper, they are easier to consider the past. However, when they are logged into a permanant blog they are no longer history. They are forever attached to you. Fair enough, I never really thought about it, and never cared enough to worry about future ramifications. Unfortunately in todays world, people seem inclined to use the internet to dig up any information possible to make someone appear less desirable. If anyone has read my stuff, it is safe to say I fall way down the list on parents lists for a possible mate for their kid. OH WELL. life will go on.
Seeing as to how I had blogs on numerous sites, I wasn't sure where to start. I don't care for a following, it makes no difference if anyone ever reads it or not, and the true fact of the matter is is gives me a sense of inner peace that is found nowhere else other than a tennis court perhaps.
So I begin. I don't even know where to start other than the fact that I know I will have blogs for quite a while. One of the main reasons I started was due to reading the blogs of one of my customers. She knows who she is and I consider her to be a great writer, mother, and human being. The sad part of this statement is I don't know many people who fulfill all three of those traits. Well her deep thoughts made me realize what I gave up for no good reason. We all have areas in our life that we will forever fight with. Mine is my value system. I can deal with a lot of crap. I can look past some seriously gnarley flaws, but there is one thing I can not stand, and this appears to be my achilles heel. Parenting.....simple enough there is no thing on this planet more important or sacred to me. I am nearing the end of my daughters childhood and bracing myself for her to go off to college.
My girl was accepted to Oregon State University and will be attending the College of Engineering(fancy term for higher tuition). She plans on majoring in Ecological Engineering and living on campus in the dorms. I am forever proud of all of her accomplishments despite being diabetic since 6 years old, having divorced parents, and having a father who does not set the best examples. I raised her with the do as I say, not as I do mentality. It isn't the best, but when combined with an neverending dedication to be there every time she needed me, I think she will be okay in life. It is not her I worry about, it is myself.
I live with a sense of inner peace acquired from keeping things to myself. Somehow this works. Too often society frowns upon, or requires explanations for my strange ways. On a daily basis I meditate, pick up litter on the side of the road, and do a few other things that I feel benefit society as a whole. It has to be about giving back to the world, whether through your child, nature or others. When my girl leaves to college, I feel my parenting job isn't even close to being done. I will still be there when needed, however, the distance will be a lot further. I am both excited for her, and scared for myself. I will write more, help others more, probably play more tennis, but most importantly, I will learn try to maintain my soul. Possibly for the first time in my life, I felt it crumble these last few years, and I have some rebuilding to do. Bear with me whoever reads this, and know that no matter what I say........I always mean well.
Peace to a new beginning!!
Rudd