Yes....It hurts!

Every day millions of thoughts race through my mind. I tend to overanaylze many of these
wandering whether I'm messed up for thinking these thoughts or if my foundation is solid
and I just care too much or too little about the wrong things. I constantly compare
simple moments to something of a much greater magnitude. For instance, when one
person comes through my front door, pulls out a Oregon Trail food Stamp card and proceeds to buy 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, and a Ben and Jerry ice cream bar with it, and then give me cash for their 12-pak of beer and a pack of smokes, I quickly realize what a wonderful system our state has developed. While we all appreciate the generosity of the state, we are at the same time forced to listen to the closure of schools, no jail space for criminals, temporary taxes by county, and numerous other punishments for their lack of financial control. Herein the problem lies. The neverending quest for a perfect society only leads to a lack of economic opportunity. While the state would save millions by eradicating programs, they at the same time have to cut jobs at the govt. level or create new programs to justify their salaries. This simple catch-22 is exactly what fries my brain. While I would love to see so much change, I'm deftly afraid of the consequences to follow. This inability to see and accept things for what they are has lead to radical change in my life, and as always the insecurity of knowing whether it will now be better. I have accepted that all change that occurs benefits at least one party or else it would not be initiated, but I have yet to convince myself both parties can be better off. It works for the State, so I hope it works for me as well. One final note on a seperate but related tangent. When my mind spins out of control, and I need to slow the pace a little, I go where my heart tells me. There are many wonderful things and people in this world, however finding them is quite a challenge. With the inability to forget once I've seen someone's true colors, I limit the number of individuals I can go to when seeking out that healing spirit. For this I'm so very thankful for last nights conversation. You have always been at the top of my list as far as incredible people go. I value your intellect, spirit,
compassion, sense of humor, but most of all, your ability for seeing the world for what it is.
While I don't see you that often your presence is always felt. Thanks Again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!