Political Burnout as it relates to me!

I have always known that I have issues with morality. I dabble with the moral line as a matter of survival and as a matter of personal justification. Neither of these are right, but I know that it is paramount for survival in my business. I own a convenience store and have for 18 years. I have endless strikes against me, and will someday really go into it. However, right now I do not have that option. I am competing in an incredibly crooked market up against a very morally challenged industry. As with everything in life though, IT IS WHAT IT IS!

Recently a store in North Portland was busted for exchanging the EBT card(food stamps) for 50% on the dollar. In other words to sum it up for everyone, the government would give Joe Blow, lets say $200 in benefits to feed his family with on a debit card. Joe would then walk into the store, give the owner the card and the owner would give Joe $100 cash. Joe then gets to buy WHATEVER he wants, more often than not...drugs. Thank you government that is very generous.

This is EXTREMELY common in downtown Portland. Almost to the point where stores are losing sales to these customers if they don't give them this offer.

I do not take this card, therefore in theory I am not affected. However, when I listen to my girls high school taking Calculus class from 22 students to forty and cutting classes, all I can think is where this money went. It sickens me immensely. I firmly believe education is the only way to a brighter future as a nation. Unfortunately it is the easiest thing to cut. I truly wish the government would tighten the screws and have a few more checks and balances. The economic downfall due to this fraud is endless. Oh well, I just needed to vent for a minute and hopefully read a few more of these stories. My guess is all the stores will just hang low for a little bit and cover their ass a little better. Like I said, It is what it is!

http://www.koinlocal6.com/news/local/story/Four-more-arrested-in-North-Portland-food-stamp/qbryxPLXx0q4P3_kCloZKg.cspx

Relationships

Yeah this should be a fun one to write. I am not sure how to go about writing this without incriminating myself. Fortunately I am pretty much over appeasing society. With this in mind I will begin with the short preamble...I SUCK! Okay now that I got it out of the way I can share a few thoughts. First of all, I thoroughly enjoy being alone. The problem is I enjoy being with women more. It shouldn't be a problem but somehow it is. I will chalk the majority of my failures in relationships to simply making bad decisions in the first place. More often than not, I think I am thinking with the wrong part of my body(poor attempt at political correctness). I think I try to make relationships work that were simply doomed from the get go. I walk away in the end with two broken hearts(only one this last time) and a little more insight to who I am. My problem for the most part is I simply care way too much. Silly as it is, I know it is the truth. I am pretty frigging good at balancing numerous responsibilities. I am learning to let a few go, and simply play the game. You see this is a word I fucking hate. I play tennis, that is a game. Relationships should not be a game. However, in todays society, it is a game. There are way too may rules to this game, too many players off the field, that somehow still have a say in the game, and my biggest problem, is I do not understand the rules. For the most part I am just rambling about my stupidity. My ability to choose incorrectly, and stick around too long is totally embarassing. My last relationship ended with the girl stealing and cashing a check from me. This is on the same day she asked me to print out a bunch of photos from my daughters graduation, so she could make a montage for her to have in her dorm room. See, this is where I am a complete ass. I am thankful I never told my daughter about this montage, because then not only would I be hurt, but she would as well.
Never does a day go by that a girl is not complaining about something her boyfriend did to her. I listen all day long. The funny part I listen, I console, and at the end of the conversation I know one thing for sure...He is going to be with her at the end of the day reguardless. Really, is that the trick. Who knows, the sad part is I am who I am, I have an amazing life, I just do not understand who made the damn rules. Oh well, it is what it is... I guess I will just read a few blogs, pay some bills, and go to bed knowing I am a good person. That is worth something to me, at least!!!!

The essense of time!

Well, always I fight endlessly with whether to write or not. I fight with the thoughts of listening to something I say getting thrown in my face. I fight with the idea that I might verbally hurt someone I love on here. I fight with whether anything I say or do makes a difference in this world. With all these thoughts going through my head I came up with the answer. Fuck yeah, I am going to write. I am going to bare my soul to the masses(probably really only 2 or 3 people) lol. The fact remains writing is my outlet. It is what gives me an internal sense of pride and helps keep me sane. If anyone cares to know what got me started again, it is two reasons.
First of all, a dear friend with whom I rarely interact(Loree) gave me a look at the window that told me everything I need to see. I briefly felt disconnected from what I love. Between Facebook and texting and a few other outlets I felt I was still in touch with society. BULLSHIT!
I lost that in which is dear to me. Intellectual stimulation. I get that from reading others blogs and being apart of a few lives that otherwise I will never have known. I remember it well from the Myspace days, and miss it.
Reason number two is the fact that my daughter goes off to college in a few months. I will have a lot more time and that scares me. Keeping up with writing is probably a lot better than whatever else I might of chosen. With all the evils or possibilities of getting myself in trouble in this world, I want to stick with the safest route. I will probably still hit a few strip clubs and flirt with the proverbial legal lines of society, but there will never be a victim(other than myself). So as a warning to anyone who reads this, I mean no harm or ill will to anyone. I am just trying to expand the intellectual boundries I long ago placed upon myself. To a bright new existance. CHEERS